Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
