11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
