1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
