the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
