your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
