i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
