Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
