i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
