my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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