The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
