Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
