the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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