JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
