My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
