She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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