When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When are your genitals available?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
