Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
