so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
