Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Vodka?
Forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
