went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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