I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
