Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
