HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
