I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
