Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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