i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
