Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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