Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
