I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
