Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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