Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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