so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
