Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
