Dual....:-)
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
