Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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