TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
