just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wear drunk well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
