so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
