Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
