your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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