My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
