Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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