she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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