I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
