tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish you could order shots online.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
