Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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