I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
