I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
