I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
