Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
