you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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