i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
