i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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